December 17, 2010

Gardein BBQ Skewers

This week, I'm reviewing another Gardein product, since I actually tested both of them at the same meal. It's even another barbecue product: Gardein BBQ Skewers.

These got cooked in a skillet with a teensy bit of oil, in the hope that I could get them a little crispy on the outside. The amount of sauce that was in the packet with the two skewers, however, prevented this. They pretty much just got poached in their own sauce, which wouldn't have been a bad thing if the sauce was tasty. I'm just going to tell it like it is here. This claims to be a barbecue sauce, but I tasted no tomato flavor, no vinegar flavor, no smokiness, not even any sweetness. Nothing that even remotely resembled a barbecue sauce. It was a little more like a bad teriyaki sauce. Not a good start.

Once I got the skewers heated up, I attempted to pull the fake meat chunks off the skewer, which is when I discovered that they weren't cubes of fake meat, it was one fake meat log with indentations to make it look cubed. This reminded me of one of this big Tootsie Rolls that you don't see too often anymore - the long ones with multiple segments. Please tell me you know what I'm talking about here.

Anyway, I ended up cutting the cubes apart so I could get them off the skewer without tearing them. Finally I popped a cube into my mouth. The texture was a little less springy than the shreds I reviewed last week. The flavor though… in addition to the terrible non-barbecue sauce I've already mentioned, there was a horrible aftertaste. I don't know if it was due to the sauce or the fake meat itself, but something unpleasant stuck around. I tried another piece, mainly to drown out the aftertaste, and the experience was pretty similar. No improvement. Maybe with a better sauce this could be something. But as is, no thank you.

The experience:
Texture - A little springy, but not terrible
Flavor - Don't call it barbecue if it's not going to taste anything like barbecue. And the aftertaste was awful.

Final grade for this attempt: D-


  1. I found your blog last week through Let Them Eat Meat, I think. Your Tootsie Roll comparison cracked me up! Love these reviews :)

  2. These taste about how they look, like turds. Gardein is a really hit or miss kind of brand.