Lightlife Smart Deli Bologna. Now, I'm going to be perfectly honest here and say that it's been years since I last had bologna. I know this is something that I always complain about, at least with the "I haven't eaten meat in forever, but I'm pretty sure this tastes just like it!" kind of reviews that prompted me to start this blog in the first place, but that's how it goes. If you really don't like it, let me know and I'll go buy some bologna and do a head-to-head comparison. I'll make that sacrifice for my readers.
In the meantime, however, I do feel like the bologna experience is pretty…distinctive. Not something I'd expect to romanticize. When assembling my mega sandwich, I (unfortunately?) did not have any good, old-fashioned American cheese in my fridge (mostly because it's gross) which I thought would go best with the bologna, so I had to make do with some cheddar.
Once assembled, with one slice on this third of the sandwich, I couldn't taste anything. I added a second slice, and still couldn't taste anything over the other ingredients. I had to resort to a naked testing (the bologna - not me) for this one. On its own, I have to say that, other than a slight fake-meat gluten flavor, this was strikingly similar to my memory of bologna, for better or worse. I wonder what this would taste like on some cheap white bread, with some American cheese, maybe (and I don't even like it but…) some mustard. You know, the typical bologna experience. I don't wonder enough to actually go buy the crappy bread and the crappy cheese, however. Feel free to experiment on your own and let me know.
In non-fake-meat news, I turned 30 yesterday! Happy birthday to me and also my birthday twin, Eliza Dushku! And for the rest of you, happy new year and be safe out there. Make good choices, as my mom used to say whenever I left the house. See you all next year!
Texture - pretty chewy, but in a very bologna-ish way
Flavor - yep - tastes pretty much like bologna
Final grade for this attempt: A-