October 5, 2012

Sophie's Kitchen Vegan Prawns

Oh goodie - more vegan seafood! This time, it's Sophie's Kitchen Vegan Prawns. After the rather mediocre experience of the last Sophie's Kitchen item, I'll admit I was not looking forward to eating these. The things I do for you people…

Okay, so the box gave a couple suggestions for how to cook these - an oven method and a stovetop method. I opted for the stovetop, as it was a little faster. I did not thaw the prawns ahead of time, as I was a little unsure of whether it was strictly necessary. I just tossed it into the pan with some oil and flipped the block of stuck-together prawns until they came apart, then cooked them separately until they browned ever so slightly. One thing I would like to note - these things stuck to the pan a lot! I had a nice thin layer of oil, as directed, but it did not stop these from sticking to the pan stubbornly. They came up without any unsightly shredding or anything - they were very strong - but still - every time I went to flip them, I had to pry them off the pan.

I would like to say something about the appearance. These were attractively striped, even down to the little pink tail-portion, and my friend Dan and I kept joking about how much they look like plastic shrimp. Like, giant Barbie shrimp or something. I figured if they tasted even half as good as they looked, we might have something.

However…

Once they came out of the pan, I cut a little chunk out of one of them, and bravely put it into my mouth. My teeth closed on it, managed to make their way through the rubbery texture to split the piece mostly in half, and at that point, the most horrible flavor invaded my senses, and everything stopped. I couldn't even manage to give it a second chew - I excused myself from the kitchen, made my way to the nearest trash can, and spit this out. I just was not able to keep this in my mouth for even one more second. It was chemically and plastic-tasting, and just plain horrible. There were undertones of nail polish flavor (at least, how I imagine it would taste based on the smell). "This is not food!", my brain was screaming. I rinsed out my mouth with some water, and luckily, the flavor did not linger, but the memory remained etched in my brain for quite some time.

Dan, to his credit, having witnessed this, took a tiny bite anyway. He managed to chew it several times, and I thought he might be able to actually swallow it, but nope - he couldn't do it either.

I don't know if we got a bad batch or what but these were not even close to what I would consider food. I cannot recommend that anyone buy these, ever. Except maybe as a visual aid, or some sort of prop where nobody was actually going to put them in their mouths. Do not eat these!

The experience:
Texture - very rubbery and chewy
Flavor - plastic mixed with nail polish and sadness

Final grade for this attempt: F